Serving

The other day, we were driving down to the beach with our family (boys included) and a few friends. As we got closer, we passed a German man riding his bicycle, looking very happy and carefree. He is one that lives in Treasure Beach and will often visit the same cove that we go to, so we have heard his story and talked with him many times. So it got me to thinking: how different a life of serving is from a life of only worrying about and taking care of yourself.

You may be thinking at this point, “She’s going to the beach and talking about service not being easy and carefree?! What is going to the beach?!?!?!!?” Well, I will tell you. Going to the beach with the four kids does NOT make it easy and carefree. There is a lot of disciplining happening…. a lot. And that, my friends, is not easy or carefree. Also, going to the beach is a way to retain my sanity and (usually) get away from the constant asking of our time, our things, our food, our whatever. It is necessary… and free. But I digress.

So I was thinking about what life would be like for us down here without serving- if we would have just moved down here for whatever reason we would do that for. It was such a strange thought 1.) because that would mean we wouldn’t be living where we are and interacting with the people that we are, 2.) because that would mean we wouldn’t have people randomly showing up at our house to hang out or use the computer or eat supper or buy eggs or whatever people show up for, and 3.) because that would mean that we wouldn’t be living out God’s calling on our lives. That is something I cannot imagine.

Sometimes serving is not easy. Sometimes is takes us to places that are uncomfortable, humbling, and quite difficult. Sometimes it puts us in relationships that we struggle to know what is the best thing to say or do. Sometimes it is so draining you just want to say, “I’m done!” Sometimes it makes you feel so incapable because you can’t meet all the needs that you see. Sometimes it makes you feel so frustrated because you see so much potential but people refuse to take responsibility, or people say they will do something and then never follow through. Sometimes serving is just plain hard.

And that’s where I am right now. I’m in the middle of where serving is hard. (Were you hoping I would say that I’ve gotten over that? Whoops. This is my reality right now.) Before we left, we were told that we would go through these phases: being in the highs and then the lows, the best of times and the worst of times. We were even told that we could end up in a corner, crying because of all the feelings we were having and such. I have yet to end up in a corner crying (Praise the Lord), but I have definitely experienced those phases, the roller coaster of feelings, the wondering if we are really doing what God wants us to be doing or why the previous couple isn’t still here.

It’s during these times that I’m so thankful for memories: glimpses of how our serving might actually be making a difference, of people serving us back, of God receiving glory and honor, of people connecting with God in ways they haven’t before, of people praying for us and supporting us and blessing us beyond words. I’m also thankful for a God who forgives, who can use us… incredibly flawed and all, and that God gives us these low times for reflection and drawing closer to Him. That’s what it’s been for me. I know that eventually I will start to be in the high phase and everything will feel fine. And I know that these are just feelings that I’m having…. feelings are so fleeting, so unstable, so undependable, so HORMONAL! So again, I thank God for His grace and forgiveness and that He is the opposite of all of those things. I thank God that He is not fleeting, that He will always be there for me, that He is stable, dependable, and not at all hormonal. So God is whom I choose to look to and depend on during these times. He “is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.” Psalm 18:2

Amen and amen.

Trying to think serene…